Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Football transfer rumours: Raheem Sterling on his way to Real Madrid?

Poor Raheem, it’s so tough being a kid these days.
Poor Raheem, it’s so tough being a kid these days.
Photograph: BPI/Rex Shutterstock
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How much time is the Mill going to spend on its intro? None. We are going right in this morning, dear reader, because the Mill is a busier body than your one down the road who likes to poke her nose where noses should not be poked. That’s pretty busy, right? Right. But not half as busy as the agent ofRaheem Sterling. On what seems like a 24-hour basis, he is fielding calls, giving interviews, flogging his product. Man, he must he more tired than an 18-wheel stretched Hummer. But he is getting somewhere and his client is going somewhere, somewhere big, somewhere very big, Real Madrid big.

Yeah, sorry to break it to you like this Liverpool fans but it’s like pulling off a plaster, the quicker you get it done, the easier it will be. Oh sure, you have hope that this meeting on Friday might bring about a change in the young man’s mind but in reality it is just one last chance for him to give the Liverpool suits the middle finger, a metaphorical middle finger, of course, but a big, fat, effin’ and jeffin’ middle finger nonetheless. Once that awkward meeting is out of the way, Sterling can finally fulfil his dream of having every single slice of his personal life splashed across the Spanish press, every single day. But of course, Sterling’s impressive form all season, like those performances when he dragged Liverpool through the group stages of the Champions League or when he inspired them to a semi-final victory in the FA Cup, mean Real are not the only ones chasing his John Hancock. Chelsea are willing to sell Juan Cuadrado, Oscar and a kidney just to raise enough money to tempt Sterling back to London while Manchester City are offering an open chequebook should he fancy the prospect of coming second in the league and getting knocked out of Europe in the group stages. Even Bayern Munich are considering a move. It’s so tough being a kid these days.

Elsewhere, after Louis van Gaal put down the mic last night he began, once again, to think about who is going to replace David de Gea when the Spaniard finally signs on the dotted line for Real Madrid. (Yes, that one is definitely going through.) Van Gaal has been ruminating on this one for days now. In the shower when he washes his hair, on the walk to the local coffee shop for his morning flat white, in the forest when he is chopping wood for the fire, it is all he can think about. But until last night, he had yet to come up with a reasonable solution. What happened last night? Well a saxophone player came to him in his sleep and played the solo from Baker Street. “What does that mean?” wondered Van Gaal. “What does that mean?” He wanted to wake the wife and ask her how she interpreted the dream but she said that if he did that again, he’d be sleeping on the couch. And then it hit him. Baker Street! What’s the postcode? W1! West London. What club plays in West London? Chelsea. What spare decent goalkeepers do they have? Petr Cech. Then he smiled and went back to sleep and he was still smiling when he woke up this morning.

Speaking of Manchester United, the club have decided not to extend Radamel Falcao’s loan deal. Yeah, the Mill can’t explain that one either what with all the sterling performances he has put in this season. But one club’s loss is another’s opportunity and Chelsea are the ones looking to take advantage. With Diego Costa’s hamstrings as reliable as a promise from your average politician, José Mourinho knows that he needs back-up for the striker and reckons that the Colombian is just the man for the job. When the time comes and Chelsea need the phone number for Falcao’s Mr 10%, they won’t have to spend time looking through the phonebook, they can just ask José. He has the same one. Also leaving Old Trafford is Jonny Evans, though no club has put their hand up when asked if they would want him. Odd that.

The Guardian

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